“Your baby has a rash! Call the Doctor!” and other statements from an alarmist grandmother.

When I was a child, my friends thought my mom was the coolest. She was a mother that would always okay a sleepover and buy me anything I wanted, although I was a kid that rarely asked for stuff. One morning after a truly fantastic sleepover, my friends were amazed when my mom allowed us to have a gourmet breakfast of cold pizza, M&M’s and Coca Cola. Although such a diet was a key component of why I was overweight as an adolescent, my friends thought she was the coolest. A mother that doesn’t give a bedtime, never says no to going to a friend’s house, and allows her children to watch rated R movies? isn’t that the picture of perfection when you’re a child?

Well, the lack of limits that were placed on me and my brother did not make us spoiled brats, which is a shock in its self. We are both relatively structured adults who know responsibility and a proper diet, more so than my mother actually. Where did we learn this? who knows. Without a father around, perhaps it was partly the influence of our grandparents, who lived next door.

Most parents act nervous about everything their child does, and once they have grandchildren, they calm down a bit and just enjoy having them around. Well, my mother went the complete opposite route, constantly worrying that something is wrong. Now not everything has changed, she still brings over ridiculous amounts of junk food and gives them to my son before I can feed him his dinner. She constantly buys him things that he doesn’t need. In many ways, she is still the carefree grandmother who doesn’t care

Recently my daughter developed a rash on her face, mostly it looked like a patch of dry skin. My mother bothered me every few hours to ask me if I called the doctor. Now that my mother has discovered the beauty of text messaging, she has found an even easier and more passive aggressive way to irritate me. In th end, I hesitated making an appointment, mostly because the many times I attempted to call the doctor, all lines were busy. It’s great to have the best pediatrician in town, unless you expect to get an actual appointment. Not surprisingly, the dry patch cleared up in two days and all was well. New issues arise every day. Today my son is in pain and has a red anus, poor kid. Always something. So for tonight, I keep him away from citrus and check on his stool to make sure he doesn’t have worms. The joys of the internet, giving modern mothers the impression that they may have some idea what the hell is going on with their child. Alas, a mother’s job is never easy and never done.

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