Can I get a little help?

When I was a kid, I used to play house as a single mother. The advantage of pretending to be independent, without the assistance of anyone else, while playing pretend is that I could leave my cabbage patch dolls alone in my room and go to pretend work where I would earn a ridiculous amount of money that would allow me to buy a corvette or whatever car I desired at that given age.

Unfortunately, in real life, I am a single mother who goes to work in her practical ford fusion (something I am very pleased with after a string of old cars) and must depend on others to take care of the children while I am away.

For a while it was my father who was watching the children, he did a good job with it but because he is an alcoholic, he decided to allow that aspect of himself back into the picture, thus making it impossible for me to trust him with the little ones.

After that, I was lucky enough in that my mother had just lost her job and she was eager to watch the kids until she found work.  Ultimately, it was my ex-husband who decided he wanted to spend some time with the kids, so for the last few months, he has taken the baby care duties. There is quite an issue with this situation though, because he is kind of a moron. He lies, so I never know what he actually did with the kids. I have a few ground rules, nutritional lunch and snacks, with the occasional treat. At least one book for story time, outside play time, arts and crafts time, and a good nap. I don’t demand a major schedule and I don’t mind the kids watching movies and such. But I think kids need plenty of stimulation, especially at this young age.


But when I come home from work, my son always acts strange. He whines and has fits, something he never does when he spends all day with me or his grandparents. I have no idea what his father is doing while I am at work, perhaps a nanny cam is the answer. The problem is that their father is the kind of guy who would be caught having sex with someone and if you questioned him, he would deny it and say you were crazy thinking that, while he is still actually having sex with the girl. There really is no logical conversation that can come from speaking to this man.

But it’s a constant struggle trying to find legitimate child care. In my town, there are no better options. Frankly, I can’t really afford better options anyway. So for this reason, among so many, I decided that I am going to get the hell out of dodge.

The black hole that is my small town is going to have to loosen up its grip on me, because I am out of here. I have decided on a nice town, on the other side of the country. The people are nicer, the environment is cleaner, and I think the quality of life with improve drastically for me and my kids.

It is a major move. I have never lived outside of California, but I am so ready to leave this place. For a while, I had contemplated moving the kids to Seattle. I always wanted to live in Seattle. But that was my younger self, dreaming of being a writer and living in some tiny apartment that was located on top of a record store. But with kids, I wouldn’t have the same benefits of that city, thus making the entire state not as appealing. My ex husband is also moving to that area with his wife, so I thought it may be a nice to move for his benefit. But as I reflected upon it, I realized that an entire country between us would be the best thing.

But in any case, it is going to be hard to find child care that I find reasonable. I will admit that there are times when I wish that I could be a stay at home mom, mostly because I would be heavily activities oriented. I would not only be a mother but the best pre-school teacher you can imagine. I love to put on puppet shows, love doing different voices for story time, love coloring. The park? fantastic fun. I would basically exhaust the kids with activities all day, and they would be begging me for a nap.

But it’s cool that I am not that stay at home mom because I enjoy being around adults each day, and earning the money. The independence thing rules, but I am definitely always in need of a little help, if only I was willing to ever ask for it.

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