What were we thinking? Some truly insane toys!


The days of my kids not asking me for insufferable toys, that make me cringe, are numbered. Here are a few that I still can’t get over.

Pet Rock This has to be the saddest solution to not allowing your children to have pets. Getting a kid a fish is a way to teach them responsibility before letting them get a cute little puppy or kitten, getting them a Pet Rock is like slapping your kids and telling them they are so stupid that they are only allowed to have something that has absolutely no possibility of dying or getting seriously injured. The fact that someone marketed this and sold it is even more astonishing, NO, what is astonishing and truly pathetic is that America bought it.

Pogo Ball This one is really stupid but also kind of fun, if they were easy to use. The problem is that you must have some sort of athletic prowess to get that damn thing off the ground. How am I supposed to jump around the driveway saying “The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful thing,” if I am denied such bounce ability?





Paper Jamz  So I am not completely familiar with how these things work, but from what I gather, they are cardboard versions of musical instruments that make noise, and help you not suck. Look, if you are a kid and you have no musical skill, you should not be lied to by crap you can purchase at Wal-Mart. Get your kid an actual instrument and hope for the best. 

Finger  Skateboards These have been around for nearly 30 years, something I just learned. I remember seeing these when I was in junior high and being completely baffled by the need for such a stupid trinket (I have a real problem with excessive and unnecessary things). Apparently some people do little tricks with their fingers, which would be cool to present some sort of request to a skater if you are unable to put the neat trick into words because you don’t know the lingo. That is the only example of when these things might be cool.


Stretch Armstrong/Doll– I knew someone who had a stretch Armstrong, we used it once, I never cared to play with him again. The trick is getting the kids into the stores because they want to try it once. Perhaps a generation of curiosity, or perhaps a generation of kids who wouldn’t let their friends try out their lame toy. A similar toy was the stretch doll, something I remember wanting when I was about 9 years old. I can’t find it online anywhere, so maybe someone can remind me of the name of it. It was a doll that had these stirrups at the feet so that you could do flips and such with the doll. I have no idea why I wanted this insanely stupid thing, but I did. My mom bought me a knock-off of the one I wanted, I put it on and quickly ripped it in half due to being a 5’7 nine-year old. True story.








Cleaning Trolley/McDonald’s Register– Do we really need to have children dreaming of a future in which they work at Mcdonalds or become housekeepers? It’s probably going to happen anyway, why rush it?



Doodle Bear– This is my favorite and least favorite of the stupid toys. Drawing on a bear seems to give children the impression that you should be writing on stuff that isn’t paper. My son already draws on walls and anything else in his path with any writing utensil he can get his grubby little hands on, Doodle Bear, you are the devil!

What toys do you remember from your childhood that seem totally unappealing now?

The shocking differences between siblings.

Isn’t it strange how two children who were raised in the same environment, with the same rules, and same teachings can be such opposites? My son Sebastian is 27 months old, my daughter, Layla, will be a year old this month, so even in spite of their proximity in age, they are not alike at all.

She was a little bit country, he was a little bit rock and roll, both were super annoying,

Sebastian is very observant and pensive. He seems way too serious for his age, but he is happy and insanely sweet. He is very sensitive though. If  I am upset about something, he senses it and is a total wreck.

Layla is one tough bitch, and I mean that in the best way a mother can call her infant a bitch. She is loud, rambunctious, mischievous and nearly nothing upsets her. She is all smiles too, so if she is crying, there is a legitimate reason. I also never have to worry about my son playing too rough with his baby sister, because frankly, she is always kicking his ass.

Even at the dinner table, these two have completely different appetites. He is peckish to say the least, hardly ever wanting to sit still to eat. Layla, is like a bulldozer and will eat that if you aren’t going to finish it. They do both share an odd affinity, and by that I mean, a pure ever-loving obsession with fruits and vegetables. This is something I totally understand because a majority of my daily intake is fruits and vegetables, can’t get enough of that stuff.

My brother and I are different in many ways, but most of those things have to do with our birth order. He is the older sibling and acts accordingly. My mother and her siblings are so bizarre that at family gatherings, I often forget that they were raised together and not just 5 people who knew each other, kinda, back when they were kids.

So what is the reasoning for these vast differences in personalities, even with the exact same factors that go into raising children? Often people think it has to do with gender, and the way parents treat their children differently because of societal norms. Reflecting on the way I treat my son and daughter, I can say without hesitation that there is no biases or gender stereotypes that I place on them. I am extremely liberal in my parenting, relaxed and open-minded about any kind of person they want to become no matter their young age. So what is it? What is it that causes these polar opposite sibling situations?