F@*k! I can’t say S*@t anymore!

I never thought of myself as someone who uses a lot of profanity. Although, there was a period of time that I was surrounded by military men due to my ex-husbands active duty status for 4 years, I never seemed to carry on that same filthy way of speaking. It isn’t until your children start copying what you say, that you suddenly sound like a prison inmate or sailor on leave.

My kids could grow up to be like George Carlin, that would be cool.

My son is 2 and seems to want to copy everything I say. At times this can be cute, especially when he attempts to say something that is not only beyond his vocabulary, but many adult’s vocabulary. I also have to admit to having the occasional urge to have him repeat something horribly offensive, because coming from his adorable voice, it sounds kind of sweet. “I hate the Jews” just doesn’t have that same horrific response coming from a sweet toddler. By the way, I actually love the Jews, just to clarify, thus making the sentence seem all the more offensive.

My daughter is only 1, so she can say “Hi” and “Thank you”, which I am over the moon about. Luckily, I have a bit more time with her, trying to adjust my ways. However, she thinks everything her brother does is hilarious and awesome, so you can see where this could lead to trouble.

What does one do in this situation? I am trying to keep my mouth clean, but there are always slips. The issue also seems as if the very fact that a curse word is a rarity, it makes it all the more desirable to say. I also allow my children to watch movies that aren’t really targeted for children. I don’t find this to be a major issue, mostly due to my own raising. I watched The Terminator when I was insanely young, and never had to urge to curse, or kill someone, or take on an Austrian accent.

It is obvious that we learn from our parents, which is why I worry. I also have no problem with my kids cursing around other kids, as long as there are no adults around. To me, cursing is not a sin, but just disrespectful. In fact, I can just see 5 years from now, some annoying neighbor kid saying “I heard Sebastian say a bad word!” to which I will respond, “Well, did he say it in front of an adult? If a tree falls in a forest…”

So what is everyone else’s opinions on children and cursing? It’s a strange life altering reality when you go from being an adult and having the freedom to say whatever you want, to becoming an adult that is someone’s parent too.

Kids are expensive, dammit!

Since I have decided to relocate to Seattle in about 66 days! give or take, I have had the unfortunate realization that being broke is even less fun and more pertinent when you have children. Clearly, this is something that we all struggle with, no big shock that kids are expensive. Actually taking the time to analyze where this money goes, is both disheartening and also depressing.

Childcare/Preschool- Looking at the cost of daycare is like looking at the price tag on a dress at Barney’s, you just know those numbers must be a misprint. Having two children, one would think there would be some special rate, but alas, those rates never seem like quite the deal one would expect. But in all fairness, why would I assume that someone would give me a deal to let them watch two rugrats rather than one.

Shoes/Clothes- Constantly growing, almost to an extent that would make it completely believable that a pair of pants or shoes that perfectly fit in the store, have already been outgrown by the time you make it home. This is why a lot of the clothes my children wear are either hand-me-downs from relatives, or simply stuff I bought on eBay. Buying kids clothes on eBay is genius by the way, everything is lightly worn because everyone shares the heartache of having children outgrow something that they wore once.

Food- The rising cost of food in general is such a pain. My daughter has grown out of the baby food phase, which is nice. But even though I don’t have to buy specialty items for her, or my son, two little bellies are sure expensive to fill. When I put my three large bunches of bananas on the counter at the grocery store, I am always questioned. The fact is that my children and I go through bananas like water. We each eat a minimum of one a day, which can really add up.  Although my daughter doesn’t eat baby food anymore, she still drinks formula. Even though her bottles have been drastically reduced, it’s still a costly item. I have no idea how my single mother kept me and my brother knee deep in kudos and Poptarts, because that shit is too expensive to even ponder. Besides, I am much more interested in filling bellies with citrus and vegetables than junk food that is artificially sweetened.

Travel: It doesn’t matter that the combined weight of me and my two kids is less than 200 pounds, if I am buying a plain ticket or train ticket, I am buying three tickets. Also, a spontaneous road trip is out of the question, you can’t exactly sleep in your car with two small children. Don’t even get me started on Disneyland!

Diapers- The great thing about diapers is that they don’t last long. My son is being a bit of an annoyance with his potty training, but he is getting there. My daughter is only 1, but I have a feeling it won’t take her as long as her brother. For me, diapers may be both the biggest waste, but also the biggest relief when it comes to childcare costs. It really is just a temporary money drainer. Also, I have to say that using Amazon’s subscribe and save program really does save a lot of money. It is also nice to just have diapers delivered to you. I have serious distaste for shopping though, so online is always the best thing in my opinion.

So there we have it, a quick look at why kids are so damn expensive. Worth the price of course. I can not imagine a life without my children, so being thin in the wallet seems like a pretty fair downside.