Why are Kids Such Douches?

I have succumbed to that frame of mind, in which, I find my own children to be utterly charming, adorable, intelligent and flawless, and find every other child to be brats that need a beat down. In all fairness, there are times when my little ones are driving me absolutely crazy, but they are also toddlers, so everything they do has an element of purity to it. They just haven’t reached the full-on-terror age yet.

Recently, I have moved to a new apartment complex. Living in a communal environment is tough for me, seeing as how I owned my own home before this. Living above me are, what I can only assume, to be the children of the corn. If the children of the corn were less Amish, and more dependent upon iPhones and Xbox, they would be indistinguishable. I am completely convinced that these children will eventually take over a portion of the city and start killing entering adults, with only Sarah Conner to save us all.

Something evil is definitely happening in my neighborhood.


Well, such thoughts may be giving these jackasses far too much credit. Teenagers today seem to be way less capable of such treachery, their lackadaisical attitude is actually just stupidity derived from a lack of parental guidance and an immersion of overwhelmingly dumb media.  After getting my car keyed, being bombarded by their obnoxious loud noises and being generally disturbed by their inability to stay out of my damn yard, something occurred to me ; I have become Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino, and I have no problem with that. Not the whole racist part though, nor do I carry around a shotgun, but I am totally on board with his groans about the youth of America.

It is my hope that I am able to raise my kids to be pretty decent human beings, or even to steer them away from being little shits, as best I can.  Luckily, every day at work I come across adorable children who are filled with whimsy, warmth, intelligence and an apparent understanding of how to avoid annoying all; for them, I am thankful.





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